Politics

A Modest Proposal for Dealing with the Muslim Problem and Relieving Tensions between the Varied Races of the Earth

Over recent years, it has become evident that the Muslim and Christian races are deeply divided. It is widely known that Islam is a violent and barbaric religion – why else would there be a need for the term ‘jihad’ – a word literally translating as ‘struggle’?

Christian inspired patriots by contrast, hold nothing but the purest love of the one true God in their hearts when they attack mosques, refuse to bow down before fictional lions and remove headscarves of Islamic women, hoping only to aid their adaptation to our most gentle land.

The impact of inter-racial and inter-religious tension is now so widespread in modern Britain that the decent people of Albion find it nigh-on impossible to walk the streets without having a machete, meat cleaver or similar sharp blade thrust in their direction by a violent barbarian.
According to a report from ONS, in 2011, across Britain 3,885 died in falls; 1,938 in transport accidents; 210 by choking; and 8 by accidental suffocation in bed – by good fortune a mere 0 died in terrorist activities that year, doubtless a statistical anomaly which will not be repeated.
It remains to be seen how many people died by each of these causes in 2013, but the Woolwich Lee Rigby murder means that the number of deaths inspired by Islamic extremism is at least one, with a full statistical survey of the undoubted carnage still to be carried out. Perhaps the Muslim problem may pose even as grave a danger to the British people as their own duvets.

Continue reading “A Modest Proposal for Dealing with the Muslim Problem and Relieving Tensions between the Varied Races of the Earth”

FootballOpinion

di Canio’s Fascist Philosophy

Knowing a man’s political beliefs should be enough to tell you his morality. That is certainly something that applies to Paolo di Canio. His politics have been a source of debate through his management career (the GMB trade union broke their links with Swindon Town when di Canio was appointed, and David Miliband resigned from Sunderland’s board when di Canio took over) but his support for Benito Mussolini is helpful in understanding the Italian’s management style.

Continue reading “di Canio’s Fascist Philosophy”

FootballOpinion

What Does di Canio Believe?

Just a brief post, linking to a piece I’ve written for Bornoffside today.

Former West Ham striker and Swindon manager Paolo di Canio has been named as the new Sunderland manager, prompting criticism of the fact a ‘self-confessed fascist’ could be given the job. Former MP David Miliband resigned from his position at the club in protest, and there’s been debate about the morality of it all in the media.

I’ve tried to look in a bit of depth at di Canio’s beliefs, how they’re reflected in his management style, compared di Canio’s and Miliband’s morality.

Click here to read Paolo di Canio & The Strongman Principle

Read My Fiction

Shukhov’s Glass Ceiling

I’ve done something that I really don’t do often enough, and sat down with no distractions, and written a short piece of prose from beginning to end. No grand, ambitious plans for a multi-storyline epic that fizzle out into nothing, just a brief, punchy little story.

I hope you enjoy it.

Shukhov’s Glass Ceiling

Comrade Sidorova stood on the Middle Line of the Moscow GUM, looking down to the Lower and observing what capitalism had brought upon his country.

Huge arches, maybe fifteen feet across each, contained the glass storefronts of shops owned by multinational corporations. The architecture was stunning – Pomerantsev’s genius had survived communism from beginning to end, which at one point he feared nothing in his beloved homeland would manage. But their use was a barbaric joke – he could see three arches in a row containing the name and products of an American jeans company.
Sidorova had never been able to follow the logic of jeans as a luxury product. He had worn them on occasion in his younger days – they were uncomfortable against the skin, and downright abusive when wet. It was the propaganda which swung it, he had decided – marketing, to use the capitalist term. Perhaps knowing that the product itself was not much use, units of the rough material were moved out of stores worldwide by using imagery of rugged American cowboys and trendy modern party-goers.
It hurt Sidorova’s pride to know that, for many young Russians today, their ideal of masculinity was not their fathers and grandfathers who had worked without complaint in the fields and the military, but an American posing in the Texas sun.

Sidorova looked upward. Shukhov’s glass ceiling was magnificent – even a century after its construction there were few like it anywhere in the world. It flooded the building below in so much light that Sidorova could almost believe a God must have created it. There was a train station in London whose roof was also built more of glass than metal. But even there the ratio of iron to glass weighed more heavily on the side of practicality. Saint Pancreas? Some body part, but he wasn’t sure which. Even the great Victorian engineers – perhaps the greatest engineering nation ever to have lived – could not match the innovative genius of Shukhov.
Beauty comes from that which is natural, Sidorova felt, and man should only interfere when it is a necessity. Centralised planning is the worst form of human interference.

This building had played it’s part in Sidorova’s awakening from his propaganda induced childhood stupor. As a young man, he had been assigned here, in the days when queues for the more practical items it stocked stretched across Red Square.
Although the desperation on the people’s faces were hideous, his superiors had drilled it into him that one day this magnificent, palatial shopping centre would serve it’s purpose, to help feed and clothe the people of the world’s rising superpower. The problem was that the party simply had not had enough time to get things working the way they should.

But the offices of the shopping centre silently debated this point. A few were still used, a faded image of the days when this was the central point of planning for Stalin’s first five-year plan. Many more laid empty, abandoned.
It was as he stood here, in this very spot so many years ago, that he was struck with an idea. Simply seeing the sheer amount of light that flooded in from the ceiling, while the ceiling held solid, was a revelation to him. A combination of nature and man – the warmth of the indoors, with every inch of the hallways flooded with natural sunlight.  He saw the beauty of the natural world with eyes that he had never used before, and realised immediately that it must have been a genius who could build such a structure. A genius who built a thing of beauty before the Communist party rose to power.
It was a beauty that was misused by the party – he could see thugs in state uniforms pushing around the poor as they merely looked for enough food to keep their families alive.
Sidorova had thought of the entire building as a new form of propaganda, created not for the glorification of Stalin, but the glorification of the natural world, and the men who could tame it.
As he took the train journey back home, Sidorova appreciated the beauty of the fields, the skies, even the ramshackle huts, in a way he never had before. The thought had simply never occurred to him that Mother Russia could thrive without the party’s blessing, that his dissatisfactions were circles that could not be squared.
By the time he reached home, his mind was consumed with blasphemous ideas.

Sidorova did not consider himself a killjoy, he knew there were important things in life beside bread and water. But he also knew the profit margins on trousers, sports shoes, jewellery, and considered it a sick joke that so much of the price went to the propagandists. In Asia the clothing was crafted by workers who toiled for pennies.

Banner after banner on the Lower Line bore a single message – advertisements for a perfume company. Giant bottles were painted on the sheets, repeated over and over, lest consumers forget their implicit message – CONSUME! – in the seconds walking from one to the next.

Despite Sidorova’s melancholy, he knew that, beyond doubt, what he saw around him was better than what had gone before. He had no doubts over the side in the struggle he had chosen, and, were he required to do so, he would do the same again without a moment’s doubt. But he had dreamed – more than that, believed – that the fall of communism would see power given to the people. That they would no longer be manipulated into actions for the benefit of the powerful.
Thinking back over his life, Sidorova realised what it was he missed about communism – the struggle against it.
The secret meetings. The walks through the streets of Moscow on winter days when the poor starved and his breath seemed to freeze in the air… He was warmed by the knowledge that he and his colleagues were struggling together for the common good.
But now… Who was left who would struggle with him against the modern propaganda for over-priced trousers?

Comedy

Every Little Helps

Ah, Tesco. The biggest supermarket in Britain and still growing, you set up new branches regardless of whether you’re wanted, and now, with the economic troubles setting in, you have to take on unpaid jobseekers just to maintain your position as an ultraprofitable company.

What else will you do to increase your profitability to ever more unimaginable levels?

Get involved in slavery!

Comedy

What Would You Do With a Dead Maggie Thatcher?

My latest article is up at The Leaky Wiki.
Margaret Thatcher is not necessarily the most popular person in the country, particularly amongst liberals and the working class.
However, with the attention brought from a new Oscar winning biopic, there’s been more talk about her legacy in recent months.
Despite the negativity surrounding her, she is widely respected by many, mainly conservatives who see her as being a strong leader who steered the nation through difficult times. I’ve tried to write a balanced article to reflect this.

Half of British Public want Thatcher to have a State Funeral, Other Half Just Want Her to be Dead

How’s that for fair and balanced?

Comedy

Mitt Romney is a Total Mormon

Mitt Romney, the Mormon former governor of Massachusetts is currently challenging for leadership of the Republican Party, for the right to lose the November election to Barrack Obama.
Palin, Perry, Cain, and now Gingrich have all been challenging him for leadership in the polls at different times, with Romney consisting being one of the top two candidates as the different flavours of the month come and go.

It appears that voters are having their doubts about him, whether it’s because he’s a bit on the stiff side and doesn’t have the chattiness of Cain and isn’t as funny as Rick Perry, or it may be because his background is in what’s known as ‘vulture funds’, which you know won’t be a good thing.

Gingrich wants to build a colony on the Moon. Seriously. No wonder Romney looks dull by comparison

Anyway, there’s a magazine called Mormon Today! which is totally a real thing and definitely not made up, who are running a poll to find America’s favourite Mormon. And what do you know, Romney’s position in this poll parallels his position within the presidential race. It’s as if the whole thing were made up for satirical purposes.

I covered the latest news in the compilation of Mormon Today!’s poll.

Review

Book 04: The Ghost

The Ghost, written by Robert Harris, a one-time friend of Tony Blair, features a former British Prime Minister not named Tony Blair.
The character, Adam Lang, was a charismatic PM (but not named Tony Blair), was accused of lacking depth (but wasn’t named Tony Blair), and got Britain heavily involved in the War on Terror (but remember, he isn’t Tony Blair).

This Robert Harris doesn’t have a very good sense of imagination

I’m not quite sure whether to refer to The Ghost as a thriller or a satire. It definitely progresses as a thriller – the protagonist, a celebrity ghostwriter, is hired at the last minute to make sure Adam Lang’s forthcoming memoirs are completed in time for the deadline. The story follows his progress as he tries to learn more about Lang, to understand the psychology behind the former Prime Minister.

Continue reading “Book 04: The Ghost”

Comedy, Egotism

‘Journalism’ on the LeakyWiki.

I’ve recently branched out my writing, and have started to do a little bit of journalism, on the up and coming American news website The Leaky Wiki.
Already I’ve covered the scandalous emails showing that the Qatar World Cup was not chosen as the result of corruption, and sat down with a leading member of the American Tea Party.
Hopefully there’ll be more to come in the coming weeks, I’ll do my best to keep up the habit of regularly updating my blog and twitter accounts when a new edition goes up.

Me at work

There are two editions a week at present, Monday and Thursday, if anyone reading wants to bookmark the site and check back regularly. The site has just started up over the past few months, and is becoming a very good site, which already has a lot of entertaining articles.

The LeakyWiki.com